my story

I am 40 years old and look 60 years old all this started about 15 years ago I just thought I was doing to much  and just couldnt get enough sleep  or something easly explained  I kept changeing jobs to avoid being fired and got to the point i couldnt even do that anymore

I have been to speclist after another god only  knows how much money I have spent on search for answer and better life I have had boughts of head aches that shut me down  and deep depression after giveing on up on haveing a job I was truch driver with a BA degree i went threw so many jobs  my wife finaly said you  need to just hang it up and be stay home  wich more or less over time pushed me over the deep end I still see a therapist once a week I have found few things that have helped me to feel human again wich has been volentering at school and after school programs for my sons middle school I have photo class that did wonders for my view on life ironicly the BA came in handy teaching class have my wifes help and my oldest son help to keep me on track with class it has got me back to painting as well  weird little life line but it seems to work  I rarely get to go to ymca for the warm water pool class because life gets in the way   with wife working overtime and me with no car plus the fear of getting lost in my own home town now why i cant rember which way to go is something that bugs the crap out of me that I cant rember wich streets go where anymore 

I am fighting all my fears now from hights to fear of getting lost , I tell people forgive me if I cant rember your name and try not to be embareassed by it get past my anger over being sick wich honestly I got a long ways to go  even now . not to mention the guilt  of being sick all the damn time  wich is  the norm for folks like us I try and keep busy now try to live witth fact they are days I just have to stay in bed and rebuild myself   like today  I take lyrica and six other meds from blood pressure to meds  and meds to easy the swelling I get  pluse few vitamens I cant seem to keep vitamine D in my body they say its the pain that eats up all my vitamine D  atleast thats what i been told over and over by other doctors  my family doc has been great hes let me go to who ever I want to and test my blood every 3 months due to my thyrod being shut down he thinks all this is due to my thryroid but says he could be wrong  personaly i think he is right even if he dont want admitt he is right  got love doctor that say he may be wrong   i been so lucky over the years i should be thankful to the great people like my wife and doctor even at my lowest point neither gave up on me   I know this suppose to be about my story  but I think my story is I am one lucky Son of  a  BEACH lol